The “Red Thread of Fate” is a Japanese legend that I heard about recently, that posits an invisible red thread connecting the little fingers of two souls destined to be together, regardless of time, place, or circumstances, which may stretch or tangle but never break. That’s what true friendship feels like to me.
In this article, I want to explore a different side of friendships—the challenges of “letting go” and “untangling” when disagreements arise. True friendship values honesty, loyalty, and reliability, but it also requires us to let go of minor disputes—those “you said, I said” moments that can sometimes feel bigger than they actually are. After all, no one is perfect.
However, letting go is often easier said than done. Even when we want to move on, something holds us back. Why do certain disagreements or perceived wrongs linger longer than we’d like? And why does this struggle feel even more complicated in close friendships—relationships we truly want to maintain? Baggage perhaps – but for this blog, lets not go there.
The Weight of Repetition
One of the biggest challenges in letting go is repetition. When the same issue resurfaces repeatedly, it becomes harder to forget and move on. Even if a disagreement was discussed and seemingly resolved, hearing about it again keeps the wound fresh. It creates the impression that one friend is not fully “at peace” with the other, making it feel like a lingering shadow over the relationship.
Perspective Matters
Perspective—and perception—are deeply personal. What one person sees as a mistake, another might interpret differently. For example, in today’s evolving social landscape, there’s an ongoing discussion: Should a child be encouraged to audition for something they aren’t naturally talented in, or is it kinder to be honest so they avoid unnecessary disappointment? There’s no universal answer. Similarly, not every disagreement in friendships is about right or wrong—it often comes down to differences in how we see things. Trying to understand a friend’s viewpoint, even when we feel we are right, can help avoid unnecessary resentment.
“Comebacks” – The Ripple Effect of Repetition
I was recently asked: Are the “comebacks” we make in the heat of the moment hidden feelings finally surfacing? I believe that repetition sometimes triggers reactions that wouldn’t otherwise arise. When someone feels unfairly put on the defensive, they may respond in frustration—perhaps saying something they wouldn’t have otherwise. But does that mean they were secretly holding in those feelings all along? Not necessarily. Often, repeated discussions about the same issue can push someone to a breaking point, leading them to express their frustration—not out of malice, but simply to point out the unfairness of the situation.
The Need for Closure
For true “letting go” to happen, some form of closure is needed. Disagreements that don’t find resolution tend to linger—not because we don’t want to move on, but because they were left unfinished. A conversation may seem settled, only for the same topic to reappear later, causing frustration for both friends. Having an open discussion and consciously choosing to let go—even if that means agreeing to disagree—can provide the closure needed to truly move forward.
Finding a Way Forward
Letting go doesn’t mean forgetting or pretending a disagreement never happened. It means making a conscious choice to stop carrying past conflicts into the present. It means reassuring our friends that they have the space to be themselves, just as we want to be accepted for who we are.
Friendships are built on admiration, love, and trust. That’s why we hold them so dear. Letting go is a reaffirmation of that trust—a mutual effort to move past differences and continue valuing each other. True “untangling” in friendship happens when both people choose to move past disagreements and embrace the connection they share.
