I recently came across a comment stating that divorce rates are “just a number.” But is it really that simple? In Rural India divorce is low. But my concern is for the divorce rates in Urban India which are now approaching 30%, signalling not just statistical changes but deeper social, psychological, and economic shifts.
Read on, because I don’t just list problems, I offer a solution.
One of the biggest contributors to rising divorce rates is the widening gap between expectations and the reality of marriage. Many couples enter marriage unprepared for the long-term commitment, challenges, and responsibilities it demands. Romanticized portrayals—often influenced by movies and social media—set unrealistic expectations. When faced with financial struggles, familial responsibilities, or personal differences, disappointment sets in. The increasing preference for nuclear families over joint families further adds to the strain, as couples lose the built-in support system that once helped sustain marriages.
Looking back 50 years, both men and women were generally more prepared for marriage. Marriage was considered a lifelong commitment. Joint families provided a buffer against marital conflicts, offering emotional and practical support. Today, with financial independence, changing gender roles, and reduced stigma around divorce, couples are more likely to separate when faced with difficulties rather than working through them.
Other contributing factors include high work stress, lack of effective communication, heightened expectations from partners, and weakened family and social support systems. While modern marriages emphasize love and personal fulfillment, they often lack the structured expectations and community-driven support that helped sustain marriages in previous generations.
But these challenges are not new—we hear the same stories repeatedly when couples separate. Why, then, do so many couples enter marriage with unrealistic expectations? Why do they assume their relationship will be different, unaffected by the challenges they see their friends and family facing?
The missing link, the solution, we feel lies in premarital guidance—preparing for marriage, not just the wedding. This crucial stage of preparation is often overlooked. Parents who genuinely care about their children’s long-term happiness must encourage open discussions about marriage before the vows are exchanged.
To address this need, we have compiled a comprehensive guide in the form of a book: Before You Say “I Do” – Essential Conversations for a Happy Married Life: Premarital Advice for Indian Couples. This book is designed carefully, covering all probable challenges, to help couples navigate the realities of marriage, setting them up for a stronger and more fulfilling relationship. Click here to check it out on Amazon.
